Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
M-F
As we all know, the clock is ticking here at the Rabbit; it is inevitable. At some point--probably before the end of the fiscal year--I will be out of a job. And as much as I've enjoyed helping thousands of grown men masturbate for the last few years, it will hurt losing this job. Not because I truly enjoy the work. No, it's more because I truly enjoy money. I wish, though, that I had some more money. We all would like to make more money at what we do but I think we also can agree that limited money is better than no money.
Which brings me to the perks of my current job. I get some pretty amazing insurance. Krishni is kind of blown away by that. I get lots and lots of free porn. Brad is excited about that little benefit. Occasionally we have big, drunken "Cube Crawls" here at the office that feature scantily clad models running around the office doing jello shots with the pasty tech guys. Not gonna lie: that's pretty fun.
But since I've gotten married, there has been one major problem beyond being a technological fluffer: my schedule. You see, when I 1st started this job, I was just coming off my "work" at Steppenwolf Theatre Company. I worked an odd schedule there where Tuesday and Wednesday were my "weekend". When I started here, I told them I could work weekends because that was what I was used to. As a result, I was given a Sun-Thursday schedule. I actually liked that a lot since Sunday, especially during football season, was a super-slow day filled with ESPN.com, South Park episodes and computer games.
Since my marriage, however, I've realized how fun it would be to have an actual weekend and be able to do stuff with my wife, friends and family on Sundays. For the past year, I've been bugging my boss to move me to a regular Monday-Friday schedule. You know, like a normal person.
I finally got my wish. For the 1st time in my life, I will have a regular M-F job. I can go out on Saturday nights again! I can attend Mother's and Father's day! I can watch the Bears! Provided I still have a job in October! Ha ha!
Seriously, this will be the 1st time I've ever worked relatively normal hours (I will be working 8am to 4pm). The only other time I worked M-F, was when I worked at KJRH in Tulsa on the morning show. And I had to be in the studio at 4 freakin' 30 am. Those are not, what one would call, "normal hours".
Color me happy. At least until the next Jonestown blood-letting here at the Rabbit, that is.
Anyone have any job openings anywhere? I can work weekends!
Which brings me to the perks of my current job. I get some pretty amazing insurance. Krishni is kind of blown away by that. I get lots and lots of free porn. Brad is excited about that little benefit. Occasionally we have big, drunken "Cube Crawls" here at the office that feature scantily clad models running around the office doing jello shots with the pasty tech guys. Not gonna lie: that's pretty fun.
But since I've gotten married, there has been one major problem beyond being a technological fluffer: my schedule. You see, when I 1st started this job, I was just coming off my "work" at Steppenwolf Theatre Company. I worked an odd schedule there where Tuesday and Wednesday were my "weekend". When I started here, I told them I could work weekends because that was what I was used to. As a result, I was given a Sun-Thursday schedule. I actually liked that a lot since Sunday, especially during football season, was a super-slow day filled with ESPN.com, South Park episodes and computer games.
Since my marriage, however, I've realized how fun it would be to have an actual weekend and be able to do stuff with my wife, friends and family on Sundays. For the past year, I've been bugging my boss to move me to a regular Monday-Friday schedule. You know, like a normal person.
I finally got my wish. For the 1st time in my life, I will have a regular M-F job. I can go out on Saturday nights again! I can attend Mother's and Father's day! I can watch the Bears! Provided I still have a job in October! Ha ha!
Seriously, this will be the 1st time I've ever worked relatively normal hours (I will be working 8am to 4pm). The only other time I worked M-F, was when I worked at KJRH in Tulsa on the morning show. And I had to be in the studio at 4 freakin' 30 am. Those are not, what one would call, "normal hours".
Color me happy. At least until the next Jonestown blood-letting here at the Rabbit, that is.
Anyone have any job openings anywhere? I can work weekends!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Fat
I wouldn't say I'm on a diet. That would require effort. No, what I'm on is sort of a gradual (ok, minimal) change in lifestyle that has happened to result in me dropping a few pounds. My wife sneaks vegetables into my dinners, I'm eating less crap and the only thing I typically eat before dinner is a couple of bowls of cereal at work. It has actually been quite painless.
However...
I went a bit off the rails this week. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I dig novelty. Pretty much whenever a fast food restaurant comes out with a new item, I really, really need to eat it. I'm stupid like that. As a matter of fact, I have a standing date with my friend Kalena to go and get the new Taco Bell item whenever it comes out. We haven't yet named our awesome club but over the years we've picked up a few intrepid members: Krishni, Mel, Brad, Marc...that's Kalena's Marc, not my buddy Marc. Although he did join us once which resulted in a pretty wicked case of food poisoning after the XXL Double Beef Chalupa experience; but we all ate the same thing and none of us got sick. Funny, that. I think he just didn't want join us anymore. I really don't blame him; the Chalupa itself was pretty gross. I mean, look at this thing! Gross, right?:
Where was I? Ah, yes, fast food novelty. Last night we all convened at the Wrigleyville Taco Bell (motto: "20% more expensive than any other Taco Bell") for the new item: The Cheesy Double Decker Taco.
First of all, a review: It was goooooood. You see, what makes this different from a standard Double Decker Taco is instead of a layer of beans fusing the soft shell to the hard shell, there is now an added layer of nacho cheese oozing out the sides. That's the only difference. I mean, what do you want? There's only so many ways you can combine the same 8 ingredients. Until they introduce chorizo--Please Taco Bell! Bring us chorizo!--we're working with a limited color pallet.
Now onto the problem: Sure, I could have had just one of these things. But instead, I had two. And a shrimp taco. As the ad says up top, "Get twice the taco". Does that mean I had a taco to the 5th power? I dunno but it felt good. For a while.
So a scant 5 days after the White Sox/Bulls bender, I had a little Taco Bell extravaganza. Big deal, right? Well, that would be the case if only I hadn't eaten one of these over the previous 36 hours:
Yes; for those of you concerned about my heart, that is sausage, pepperoni and bacon stuffed and baked with a shitload of cheese into the crust of this Pizza Hut monstrosity. Let's ignore for a moment that is was pretty good. This pizza is the definition of American excess. This pizza is one of the main reasons folks in the Middle East hate us. This pizza is the reason my lungs almost exploded when I had to run 2 blocks at a full sprint to catch my bus this morning.
I think it's best that I lay off the crap for a while. My body deserves it.
However...
I went a bit off the rails this week. Anyone who knows anything about me knows I dig novelty. Pretty much whenever a fast food restaurant comes out with a new item, I really, really need to eat it. I'm stupid like that. As a matter of fact, I have a standing date with my friend Kalena to go and get the new Taco Bell item whenever it comes out. We haven't yet named our awesome club but over the years we've picked up a few intrepid members: Krishni, Mel, Brad, Marc...that's Kalena's Marc, not my buddy Marc. Although he did join us once which resulted in a pretty wicked case of food poisoning after the XXL Double Beef Chalupa experience; but we all ate the same thing and none of us got sick. Funny, that. I think he just didn't want join us anymore. I really don't blame him; the Chalupa itself was pretty gross. I mean, look at this thing! Gross, right?:
Now onto the problem: Sure, I could have had just one of these things. But instead, I had two. And a shrimp taco. As the ad says up top, "Get twice the taco". Does that mean I had a taco to the 5th power? I dunno but it felt good. For a while.
So a scant 5 days after the White Sox/Bulls bender, I had a little Taco Bell extravaganza. Big deal, right? Well, that would be the case if only I hadn't eaten one of these over the previous 36 hours:
I think it's best that I lay off the crap for a while. My body deserves it.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Happy Birthday, Civil War!
Want to know how cool I am? Last Friday night, I traveled south on the Red Line towards downtown with a dozen or so screeching 20-somethings--many of whom wearing soon-to-be-broken 4 inch heels--going not to a bar with my new friends but to a lecture. A lecture held by "The Civil War Round Table of Chicago" called "A Georgian Looks at Sherman". And you know what? It was awesome. That was the best use of a Friday night I've had in some time that didn't involve terrified turtles scampering away from a drunken mass of singles.
As you may or may not know, I consider myself quite the history buff. My specific area of expertise is in boring my wife with details of the Civil War or, if you're a racist dick, "The War Between the States".
Which is why I find myself oddly wishing I had a little pointy birthday hat for today's date in American history: On this day 150 years ago, the first* shots of the Civil War were fired in Charleston Harbor during what would become known at "the Battle of Fort Sumter".
Fort Sumter was, essentially, a nothing little fort but it stood annoyingly in the way of Charleston Harbor and Europe. And damned if those Europeans didn't need their slave-picked cotton! The fort withstood a pretty epic 34-hour bombardment before eventually surrendering without a single loss of defender life. However, one Confederate gunner bled to death when his cannon misfired. USA! USA!
Once the fort surrendered to the rebels, it proved oddly difficult to re-take. As a matter of fact, the Union never did re-take the fort. Only my boy William Tecumseh Sherman's march to the sea finally pushed the Confederates to abandon the fort. Seriously, that dude was awesome. Totally racist, but otherwise awesome.
None of this was covered, of course, during the super-cool lecture Brad and I attended last Friday night. Perhaps we'll get lucky and they'll talk about it at a lecture soon! Because, as discussed, I'm the coolest 32-year old ever...that spends his Friday nights at Civil War lectures.**
*That is what your history books will tell you. Many would argue the first real shots of the Civil war killed an abolitionist named (seriously) Reverend Lovejoy in Alton, Illinois way back in 1837. Elijah Parrish Lovejoy was the 1st Pastor of the College Avenue Presbyterian Church in Alton and also a writer for the abolitionist paper, The Alton Observer. One night, while he was installing a new printing press, a pro-slavery mob descended upon the warehouse in an attempt to destroy the press. During the standoff, Reverend Lovejoy was killed by a double-barrel shotgun blast. Arguably, he was the 1st casualty of what would later become more than 620,000 dead on both sides. Think about that the next time you see this guy:
As you may or may not know, I consider myself quite the history buff. My specific area of expertise is in boring my wife with details of the Civil War or, if you're a racist dick, "The War Between the States".
Which is why I find myself oddly wishing I had a little pointy birthday hat for today's date in American history: On this day 150 years ago, the first* shots of the Civil War were fired in Charleston Harbor during what would become known at "the Battle of Fort Sumter".
Once the fort surrendered to the rebels, it proved oddly difficult to re-take. As a matter of fact, the Union never did re-take the fort. Only my boy William Tecumseh Sherman's march to the sea finally pushed the Confederates to abandon the fort. Seriously, that dude was awesome. Totally racist, but otherwise awesome.
None of this was covered, of course, during the super-cool lecture Brad and I attended last Friday night. Perhaps we'll get lucky and they'll talk about it at a lecture soon! Because, as discussed, I'm the coolest 32-year old ever...that spends his Friday nights at Civil War lectures.**
*That is what your history books will tell you. Many would argue the first real shots of the Civil war killed an abolitionist named (seriously) Reverend Lovejoy in Alton, Illinois way back in 1837. Elijah Parrish Lovejoy was the 1st Pastor of the College Avenue Presbyterian Church in Alton and also a writer for the abolitionist paper, The Alton Observer. One night, while he was installing a new printing press, a pro-slavery mob descended upon the warehouse in an attempt to destroy the press. During the standoff, Reverend Lovejoy was killed by a double-barrel shotgun blast. Arguably, he was the 1st casualty of what would later become more than 620,000 dead on both sides. Think about that the next time you see this guy:
"We have some new pamphlets available in our church news rack including 'Bible Bafflers,' 'Satan's Boners' and 'Good Grief, More Satan's Boners'. "
**Please, please, please don't divorce me, Krishni.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
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