"Bow down before my mighty rapture! Bwa-ha-ha-ah!" --God

For those that haven't yet heard, according to an organization called "Family Radio International", it looks like today is going to be another day of rapture.  If you recall, this past Spring, FRI spent millions and millions of it's followers dollars to spread the word that the day of rapture was finally arriving on May 21st, 2011.  Most of us woke up the next day, shrugged our shoulders and went about out usual business of sinning and sodomy.  Of course, that didn't help hundreds of FRI followers who sold their homes and spent their life savings to warn others of the impending rapture, who then found themselves up shit creek, alive and well, with no money to speak of.  All thanks to this guy:

"My bad."

The confused gentleman above is named Harold Camping and while he is not quite on the douche bag level of that closeted piece of shit who runs the Hillsboro Baptist "Church", he does seem to do more harm than good while being a mouthpiece for god.  He actually seemed to be looking forward to the rapture which--I guess as a 90 year old holy man--really must be better than death.  Also, he was 100% positive that May 21st was the day the rest of us heathens were to be left behind.

That is pretty funny considering he was also 100% positive that the rapture was coming way back in 1994, as well. 

So, apparently, today is the day.  Camping chalks up the May date as--seriously--a "mix-up in Biblical math".  I'm not exactly a student of the bible but it is my understanding that those of us not chosen to take the express elevator to heaven will be destroyed, leaving behind, I dunno, WALL-E to clean up or something.  Let's see what Harold Camping as to say about it:

"Thus we can be sure that the whole world, with the exception of those who are presently saved (the elect), are under the judgment of God, and will be annihilated together with the whole physical world on Oct. 21"

Well, shit.

Fortunately, I'll be in the right place for the rapture this evening.  Seeing how it's my birthday in two days, I'm heading out tonight for a night of drinking at Big Joe's 2 & 6 Pub.  I will surround myself with my wife, my friends and some turtles, drink cheap beer and await the four horsemen, or whatever god sends down to smite me.  Of course, as my friend Marc put it:

"I'll take my chances with the horses.  I bet the guy who wrote the bible wished he knew about tanks."

Odd and Ends from my Mind Grapes

1)  The poll has been reposted and so far and, with just one vote, I'm winning.  I'm glad I voted with me.

2)  I wore my 'God is Awesome' t-shirt to work today.  I get some pretty funny looks when I'm out and about in Chicago wearing this shirt; people can never quite get a bead on what I'm thinking.  It's no different at the Rabbit.  While most folks get it, some people really don't know how to talk to me.  He works at a place where there are naked ladies.  But he's wearing that shirt!  I don't know what to say to him.  Crap!  He's coming over here!  Um, ummmmm..."You know what else is awesome?  Tits." 

3)  That said, I really need to stop wearing this shirt out in the suburbs.  Last time I wore it out there, I got stopped twice at Home Depot, the last guy grabbing my shoulder and saying "I'm happy a young fella like yourself is so proud to wear that shirt and believes in the lord Jesus Christ!"  Uh, hallelujah? 

4)  I got some pretty amazing news yesterday.  My sister and brother-in-law--Diana and Rick--recently moved their family from Evanston, IL to Denver, CO.  While this did technically rip our new godson away from Krishni and me:

Pictured:  Luca the Destroyer

This did bring some fantastic information to light.  Has anyone ever seen that episode of South Park called "Casa Bonita"?:

Apparently, it's a real damn place:

Words cannot express how excited I am about this development.  They really do have cliff divers (sullen cliff divers, as my brother-in-law explains), strolling mariachi players, fire jugglers, Black Bart's Cave and "world famous" sopaipillas.  With honey. 

I immediately texted Rick about his blog post and demanded--in no uncertain terms--that he take us to Casa Bonita when we arrive for a visit in Denver. Like, "take-us-there-the-second-our-wheels-touch-down-at-the-airport" take us there. 

5)  Speaking of "Mexican" food, Kalena and I hit Taco Bell for the new item yesterday:  The Beefy Melt Burrito:

It was pretty good, especially for 99 cents.  But it really was the Beefy Crunch Burrito from a few weeks ago, minus the Fritos.  And the Fritos were the best part.  We do believe, however, that this will tide us over until the gleefully anticipated arrival of the Doritos Locos Taco. 

6)  Finally, a public service announcement:  For any of my peers that is a new parent or is thinking about becoming a new parent (Don't!  There's still time to do all that stuff you wanted to do!  Start a band!  Write a book!  Live you life!), Rick's blog is a must read.  You can find it at http://hamanneggs.blogspot.com/.  It's fabulously entertaining and contains some pretty fantastic information with which we can later blackmail my nephews.  Plus, the kids are super cute: