They've finally created a pizza that shocks and terrifies even my gluttony...

I think we can all agree that I have poor eating habits.  For instance, when my wife leaves town, I often order several pizzas, buy a few Encor! Veal Parmigiana frozen dinners, a couple of bottles of Jim Beam and try not to leave the house or shower for the extent of her trip.  Even with her in town, I've been known to eat like shit.  For instance, in the last few months alone, I have consumed: 

• 3 Doritos Locos Tacos in one sitting
• approximately 20 pizzas
• one box of macaroni and cheese with diced up, deep friend shrimp
• one box of Sharp Cheddar Kraft Delux macaroni and cheese with diced up meatballs
• one pan pizza from Pizza Hut with pepperoni and an item listed just as "pork"
• one "Bourbon and Orange Juice"
• 5 home made Frito Burritos
• 3 "Frito Chili Cheese Wraps" from Sonic

I'm sure I'm forgetting some stuff--thank you Jim Beam!--but I believe I've made my point.  Remember this post when I've finally succumbed to my fourth heart attack. At age 37.

Every once in a while, however, my acclaimed ability to combine meats and pastas/pizzas/tacos will encounter an item that I won't touch.  The rumored "Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco" comes to mind.  But I won't eat that because I think that Cool Ranch Doritos are a "food" sent straight from the depths of Hell, perhaps conjured in Hell's kitchen by celebrity chefs Joseph Goebbels and Anne Frank (too soon?).  No, the item I've discovered combines foods I traditionally love in a way that makes my cholesterol levels quiver in abject fear.

If you find yourself in London tomorrow while feeling a hankerin' for some greasy American pizza, feel free to hop online and order a pie from Pizza Hut's English delivery menu. From that menu, not only will you be able to order a meat lover's pizza that puts America's to shame ("Pepperoni, ham, steak, spicy minced beef, spicy pork sausage, chicken") but you will also be able to order this monstrosity:

 

I'm sorry, England...what have you done?  A hot dog stuffed crust?  With a free mustard drizzle?  I'm actually dumbfounded and a little disappointed in say, Wisconsin, for not coming up with this first.  And why use hot dogs?  Wouldn't one of those curved sausages--bratwurst pizza!--have fit much better around the ring?  I guess I shouldn't give Pizza Hut any ideas.

Because while I may be appalled...sigh...when push comes to shove, I know I'd probably end up ordering one. 

Jim Beam is a sunovabitch.