MySpace Lives!

I've been without home internet for a few months and it kind of sucks.  Not only can I not download files of an adult nature but I can't, you know, blog and stuff without leaving the compound.  As a matter of fact, I type this now not from my couch, but from a church pew at the best pie place in Chicago, First Slice Pie Cafe on Ashland.  

Lacking internet has cramped my style.  While I obviously look for any excuse to patronize an establishment that serves pie, I don't like to sit next to three 15 year-olds who are loudly talking about high school shit.  Seated next to me are two dudes who clearly have a crush on the 3rd companion--"Zoe"--a 15 year old girl in a tiny top who is bragging about all the older guys who are asking her out, while blindingly crushing the souls of her dining companions.  But the pumpkin pie cheese cake was fabulous.

I come to the pie place a couple of times a week.  They have a good internet connection, the pie is amazing and I hear they serve other things.  They also give free food to any homeless person that walks in, a noble mission to be sure.  However, it's always crowded and I find it difficult to blog about my personal feelings surrounded by so many people, be those feelings about my concern in looking for an awesome job or Scarlett Johanssons's chest.  

(Update!  Zoe just playfully threw a crumpled-up napkin at one of her mop-headed friend-zoners and it bounced off his forehead and hit me in the thigh.  She apologized.  He came.)

I feel a little cut-off from the outside world, lacking home internet.  Sure, I have my iPhone which I think we can all agree is the pinnacle of human achievement.  But I have trouble looking at more expansive websites with the iPhone or exploring deep into the internet, link after fascinating link with that tiny screen.  

For instance, I've been meaning to go back to MySpace to check and see if my former blog still existed.  It's a good thing I did because it sort of didn't.  I say "sort of" because all MySpace blogs unexpectedly disappeared back in June, much to the internet's chagrin.  An immediate outcry occurred that I was able to follow thanks to the magic of the interwebs and I'm sure the folks who run MySpace were just excited that someone cared.  Kind of like Zoe's response to the inevitable half-hearted suicide attempt by one of my dining companions that will occur next week.  Fortunately, I was able to download my posts but I had to jump through a few hoops to do so.  

For those of you who are not part of the fearless 7 that have been with me since 2006, you missed out.  My MySpace blog was poorly written, full of masturbation jokes, spelling errors and grammatical hilarity.  It actually made your computer reek of alcohol.  But there was some fun stuff there; stories from my time at Playboy, travels with the Godparents and at least one awful, awful tale of a chicken wing eating contest gone bad.  Now, it would appear, that while I have access to the text of these posts, the world no longer does.

This will not stand.

So, over the next few weeks, I'm going to be reposting some of my favorites from the MySpace blog here, for posterity but also because I feel that these posts might just fully disappear in the very near future.  And also because I need to do something with a blog I haven't updated since September.  

Consider yourself warned.