Hark! Blog Entry 100

Originally posted September 16th, 2008

Allow me to be self-indulgent for a moment.

I was bored at work the other day.  Tremendously bored.  Bored to fucking tears.  It was a Sunday, football had just begun and America was nursing its hangover with nachos and a new round of beers while I was stuck at work.  So, I started putzing around at MySpace.  I looked at my blog to see if anyone new had subscribed (NO!) but, much to my sheer glee, I found that I was sitting on 98 blog entries.  Neat-o!  I spent the next two hours, between phone calls, re-reading everything I had written and compiling a list of quotes, pounded-into-the-ground subjects and general mayhem that I have brought to you, my intrepid fan base of 12.  Here's what I found:  I found that I am more than a bit disturbed.  But you clearly knew that:

Number of times I've talked about:

Astroglide:  2
Spam:   2
Masturbation:  5
Politics:  2
Marc McCann:  2
The White Sox:  8
The Cubs:  4
The 2005 World Series Champion White Sox:  3
My Dad:  6
The Godparents:  22
Alzheimer's in General:  8
Beer:  16
Drinking in General:  30

My Balls/Dick/Nuts/Cock/Wang:  10
The McRib:  5
Macaroni and Cheese:  5
Gratuitous uses of the word "Fuck":  26
Walt Disney World:  6
The Porn Store:  3
Bacon:  3

So, it would appear that I'm obsessed with the fatty foods, my wang, the White Sox and swearing.  Awesome.

But no recap of the first 100 posts would be complete without a mention of those that have followed them lo these 2 1/2 years.  The top five readers that provided comments are:

1:  Ms. Juggs Bunny with a resounding 12 comments!  Congrats, Ms Bunny!  Show us your tits!
2:  5,000^th Blog winner Mary Kate Collins with a fantastic 11 comments!  So close to the top, MK!
2.1:  Norm Smaligo, also with a fantastic showing of 11 comments! 
4:  Marc McCann's lovely girlfriend Kristen with a fine showing of 10 comments!  Kristen has a special place in my heart for being the only one out her couple to join me for the Bears in the Superbowl. 
5:  The Ex-Girlfriend, Jen with a perfectly adequate showing of 7 comments!

Finally, I have culled together a list of my personal favorite and out of context quotes that will probably have a few folks unsubscribing to my blog immediately:

"I almost shat my pants with glee..."
"Tits!  For just $19.95 a month!"
"Whacked Chorizo."
"You're going to shit fire!"
"Can Nyquil and vodka really be that bad for me?"
"And here to honor America:  Bonerama!"
"Bang my Enchilada."
"...with what can only be described as 'his entire forearm in a girl's vagina.'"
"Anyhoo, let me take a moment to tell you about my Indonesian manservant, Antonio."
"I explain that the ketchup and mustard simply act as a lube but he doesn't listen..."
"He kept his hotdog warm by holding it in his armpit."
"I find nothing erotic about Evan and crab people."

  Clearly, I've had fun with this blog thing.  And I look forward to the next 100 posts, which will probably happen at Facebook or some shit because MySpace seems to be dying.  But I'm going to hold out for a while on that one, kids.  I mean, I would have to transfer my blog, and that's just too much cutting and pasting...even during a slow day at Playboy.com.  And how am I supposed to continue my life's dream of helping grown men masturbate if I'm wasting time at Facebook?