Tupid

I wouldn't call myself a stupid man.  Sure, I like to pretend I'm ignorant of the world swirling around me but the reality is, I know some stuff.  My knowledge is based on books, the interwebs and good old fashion thinking and common sense.  It also helps to have graduated from two accredited scholastic institutions, even if one of them was in Oklahoma.  Finally--and I cannot recommend this enough--I also married the smartest person I know. 

Add all of the above together and you don't get a guy that any reasonable person would refer to as "flighty".  Why do I bring this up, you may ask? 

Well, as many of you know, I am a tremendous fan of Fightin' Irish football. 

Pictured here, fumbling as usual.

Many of you would see this alone as a reason to question my intelligence.  But love 'em I do.  I'm always on the lookout for new folks to add to my ticketing harem...that is to say, new people with connections to Notre Dame tickets.  Until this past year, it had somehow escaped my attention that my good friend Mary Kate had a father who is a season ticket holder.  Touch down Jesus Hopping Christ!  How on earth did I not know this? 

Lucky for me, I was able to get my hands on 4 tickets for the upcoming Michigan State vs. Notre Dame game.  Score!  All I had to do was send her Father a check for $320 for the face value of the tickets.  This is simple transaction that has been done thousands upon thousands of times featuring passage of Irish tickets between interested parties.  How could I mess this up?

Well, her Dad's name is "Michael".  And when I wrote the check, apparently I was on autopilot because in the "Pay to the order of" slot, I successfully wrote "Michael" but for whatever reason continued on with "Jacklich".  I then wrote a humorous thank you note on a post-it, sealed the envelope and mailed it to the correct Michael in Hinsdale, IL.

To recap:  I wrote a check to myself for Notre Dame tickets and sent it to the ticket seller.

Now, Mary Kate's Father isn't the biggest fan of Mike Jacklich to begin with.  One of his daughters once threw up on my shoes on the mean streets of Chicago while she was very underage.  And please understand, this was not by a long shot the worst transgression that involved me and one of his daughters.  I was, after all, partially responsible for Mary Kate's arrest at Goonfest.

This also might have not been the worst transgression involving one of his daughters.

Apparently, he didn't notice the mistake until he had taken time from his day to go to the bank and attempt to deposit the check.  Sigh. 

As my Godmother would say, "Tupid, Tupid, Tupid!"

With the possible exception of her racist, soul-crushing harpy of an older sister, Mary Kate's family is super nice, full of Irish levity and warmth.  I don't want these people to think I'm stupid.  They already look at me with an arched-eyebrow due to my younger transgressions. 

So I did the best I could, under the circumstances, and sent her parents a note along with a new, correctly written check:

Mr. and Mrs. Collins,

Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Mike Jacklich.  Friend of Mary Kate, proud graduate of Benet Academy, eternally suffering Notre Dame fan and a dumbass. 

I have no earthly idea why I would write a check to myself for the Notre Dame tickets and send it to you.  Confusion?  Excitement?  A gushing head wound?  I’ve got nothing.

Please accept my apologies for the confusion and subsequent hilarity that must have ensued around your dinner table upon your return from the bank.  Perhaps I should have taken my Mother’s advice and continued my higher education at the Taco Bell University of Book Learnin’ from which I received my bachelor’s degree.

Sincerely,

Michael Jacklich