And then the McRib went right through me...

There was an early-ish episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys stock in "pumpkins" right before Halloween.  In typical Homer Simpson fashion, he holds onto the stock far to long and ends up taking such a beating that he has to borrow money from Patty and Selma to keep the family afloat.  As far as Simpsons episodes go, it was ok, I guess.  However, since I don't understand finance at all, it did make me wonder things like "What if I bought stock in a company that produces fake snow in, like, October and sold a few days before Christmas?" or "What if I invest in Astroglide the moment I hear that Scarlett Johansson has a nude scene in the latest Bond movie?"

Yowza.

I realize this is a totally simplistic view of Wall Street--in fact, right now my banker buddy Brad is either giggling at my financial stupidity or his eyes have not yet moved from the rack above--but anticipating the next market and product upturn is sorta what it's all about to the individual investor.

Which brings me to why I was thinking about all this in the first place:  It can only help to invest in Charmin when the McRib returns every year, right?

"Lets see, that's five, six, yep, seven rolls.  One for each McRib I just ate."

That bear above?  It might as well have been me a few years ago.  Remember, I am the guy that once at 7 McRibs in 36 hours.  I'm totally not kidding: 

Here's proof.  Disgusting, disgusting proof.  

You can't quite read the full date up there but it reads "November 03 '06 (Fri) 12:40pm".  What were you doing on November 4th, 2006?  I bet you can't remember.  I, however, can.  The day following the ultimate McRib experience, I suffered through the worst hangover of my life.  Seriously.  I called in sick to work and everything.

Now, thinking I can handle 7 McRibs in 36 hours is the definition of hubris.  I am able to eat an astonishing amount of shit--even chicken long past it expiration date--without suffering any of the negative repercussions normally associated with such a stupid activity.  Krishni is kind of amazed by it.  But maybe I'm getting older and my insides have had just about enough of me pushing them around. 

I had a couple of McRibs today and wow, my intestines are unhappy with my luncheon decision.  I won't disgust you with the details but it was unpleasant.  Actually, I will give you one detail.  For whatever reason, the guy in the bathroom stall next to me was taking pictures on his phone.  I kept hearing the distinctive fake camera shutter noise they give phones now so Asian guys can't take upskirt photos on the bus without being noticed.  What could he have been taking pictures of?  What's that about?

Anyhoo, the point is I think I cured my need for the McRib for another year.  But I know that next year, I'll see the commercials and I'll get excited again.  I'll completely forget the pain this little bastard causes, I'll walk in to my local McDonalds with a big smile on my face, order two McRibs and devour them with glee.  I'll never learn.

I have seen the future, and it is delicious and fraught with pain.