So, The White Sox Suck

But at least the beers at Comiskey are $7.75, amirite?

Sigh.

I knew this year was going to be bad.  Typically, when I head into a season, I can find something to be optimistic about.  Maybe it's a younger player from whom I want to see progress or a few old stand-bys we can all shower in adulation...but this years team?  It's Paul Konerko or bust.

For whatever reason when I did a Google image search for "Paul Konerko", the 12th picture that came up was this totally rad picture of Tadahito Iguchi.  I miss me some Tadahito Iguchi.

It would seem that I am not the only fan that has taken notice of this awful, awful White Sox team.  Last Monday, Brad and I made an intrepid trip down to the South Side to take in an Orioles vs White Sox game on half-price Monday.  The crowd was comically awful and I guessed the paid attendance to be about 16,000 and change, Brad guessed 14,000 or so and the truth turned out to be so bad, the Sox didn't even do that "Guess the Attendance" thing they do in 7th inning on the Jumbotron.  The paid attendance (again!  On Half Priced Monday!  Our lower-level tickets up the first base line were only $20!) was 13,732.

Brad and I are only two games into our 14 game package so the only thing that is going to keep me going to park at this point are the Kosher dogs (priced at--sigh--$5.25 a pop) and the smell of the grilled onions which I don't even eat.  But it's a nicer smell than Brad or me. 

To be fair, maybe I'm a tad pessimistic.  Maybe all of the Sox players who sucked last year will rebound.  Maybe the kids will take a nice step forward.  Maybe we'll go on a tear in June and Brad and I will have something to cheer about after all.

Or maybe we'll keep hitting Bret Morel--he of the .146 On Base Percentage--in the 2 hole and the Sox will have more stellar games like yesterday where we had 3 batters with 3 strike outs making Adam Dunn and his 2 whiffs seem like the super-star we're paying him to be.  Man, there's just no way this team doesn't lead the universe in strike-outs.

We will, of course, lead the league in adjusted STTTDWHLISAAPCTSL*.

Sigh. 

*Slow Turn Towards The Dugout With Head Lowered In Shame After Another Pathetic Called Third Strike Looking

Blow up the Sox

Warning:  Only readers with a passion for the White Sox or baseball in general will give a flip about this post.  

Brad and I renewed our "Ozzie Plan" today; 14 trips down to Comiskey Park for the 2012 season.  Wo-hoo!  Now, I can't imagine the Sox will continue to call the package the "Ozzie Plan" seeing how its namesake, Ozzie Guillen, has been shown the door and now manages the Miami Marlins.  What matters is that Brad and I will be able to smell the grilled hotdogs and onions 14 times in the 2012 season, while we watch an underwhelming Sox effort on days John Danks doesn't pitch.

It will be interesting, however, to see what kind of team we'll be seeing on those trips.  You see, last year, the Sox badly, badly underachieved.  The 2011 Sox had the 5th highest payroll in the major leagues and finished with the 18th "best" record...or 13th worst record if you're a glass half-empty guy.  They started out the season poorly, made a run in the middle of the season that got me believing again and then knocked the legs out from under their fan base with a 0-42 September record (citation needed).  It was a bad season highlighted by our free agent acquisition, 6'6" 285 pound Adam Dunn who was supposed to smash 50 home runs on the South Side but instead got out-homered by all 185 pounds of Opie here:

Basically, we payed Mr. Dunn $12,000,000 to secure the lowest batting average in major league history by a guy with 500 or more plate appearances (.159) while striking out 177 times...against only 66 hits.  12 million dollars! 

Now, I don't think Adam Dunn is that bad.  The dude did hit 38 home runs in 2010.  I personally feel that he started out on a terrible streak and just couldn't shake out of it.  You don't go from a 38 home run campaign to the worst batting average in major league history in just one season, even if he did switch to the tougher league.  This has to be mental, more than anything else.  Hopefully, an off season of floating in swimming pools and sleeping on top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies will help wipe his memory of his utterly terrible year. 

But it wasn't all Adam Dunn's fault.  3 other regulars struggled to hit above the Mendoza Line, Ozzie's temper, contract situation and feud with Kenny Williams was a constant distraction, our pitching was mediocre at best and we had zero help from the minor leagues early on.

It is that last point that causes me to think it's time to blow up the team.

Next year, we are slated to again have a payroll in the upper-third of the league, only it's becoming abundantly clear that we are going to lose our most consistent pitcher to free agency this off-season.  In addition, we've already been informed that our payroll is maxed-out; fans shouldn't hold their breath for any game-changing free agents.

The long-term problem?  Our minor league system is completely barren.  I'm not sure if it is Kenny Williams' lack of creativity when it comes to the draft or Jerry Reinsdorf's constant draft-time penny pinching--or both--but the Sox, for whatever reason, refuse to invest in the draft.  As such, the truly talented kids fall to teams that are willing to spend money on signing bonuses and we draft "signable" kids over and over and over and over again.

While the new collective bargaining agreement will help the Sox going forward, the immediate damage has been done.  As a result of their penny-pinching(and Kenny Williams penchant for trading minor league talent for Major League players), the Sox have been left with what Baseball America calls the 4th worst minor league system in Major League Baseball.   Keith Law, the ESPN amateur scout and catty humorist, thinks the Sox are the 3rd worst.  Ouch. 

While it is always possible that the cheaper teams can find a hidden gem here and there, most teams that are willing to spend on the draft continue to churn out major league players that are 100% homegrown.  The Boston Red Sox excel at this, god damn it.  Even with larger signing bonuses, this is the single cheapest way to get high-end talent into an organization.

The Sox are in a tough spot.  They will have a fairly high payroll next year but do not have any realistic chance to win a World Series unless we have some serious rebound seasons from our highly paid "talent".  Combine that with the likely-loss of our beloved lefty Mark Buehrle...

Don't you just want to hug him?

...and that leads me to believe we won't be hoisting the Commissioner's Trophy next October. 

So what's team to do?  I think it's time to dismantle the Sox.  Trade any guy that has value to any taker and try to restock our minor league coffers.  Kenny Williams has said that he will only take back major league ready players but he's fooling himself; once we start trading our guys, we should not stop.  He wants to trade his guys but remain competitive.  In other words, he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

My plan is different:  get rid of everyone.  Gavin Floyd, John Danks, Phil Humber, Matt Thorton, Sergio Santos, Jessie Crain, A.J. (if he'll accept a trade), Carlos Quentin, everybody.  See if you can get 30 cents on the dollar for Dunn and Alex Rios...and if we can't get rid of these guys--and let's be honest here, we probably can't--just let them play out their contracts and by the time they are done, the new acquisitions will likely be ready.  Let the kids play.  Pitch Chris Sale and Zach Stewart.  Turn Dayan Viciedo loose in right and see if he doesn't embarrass himself.  Let Tyler Flowers catch all season.

Let's see what the kids can do while we simultaneously add some talent in the minor leagues. 

Today Brad and I spent $400 on Sox tickets for the 2012 season.  I would much rather watch a team that I can see some hope in the future than a team that I want to bury as dead from the very start.

Wheeeee! Opening Day!

I was going to write a hilarious moment-by-moment account of my Opening Day experience with Brad but the truth is, it would have looked something like this:

8:37 am:  Open 1st beer.  Take shower with said beer in hand.
10:01 am:  Arrive at Brad's.  Brad and I play 'Thunderstruck' by AC/DC for 90 minutes while consuming many beers.
12:15pm:  Arrive at Comiskey Park.  Consume many beers

***scene missing***

5am:  Awake in Brad's bed with no pants on.

I know that somewhere in the middle, I ate a kosher dog, tried the new 'Ball Park DiGiorno' pizza stand, left the game early since we sorely underestimated the weather and were freaking freezing by the 7th inning, went to The Rail on Damen Ave to eat and kill 2 hours (drinking) before the Bulls game, drank 17-20 beers between the two of us before, during and after the Bulls kicked the living shit out of the Celtics, smashed in some more pizza and arrived back at Brads.

For the record, that was 15 hours of drinking for the two of us.  It's been a while since I tied one on like that.  Our bartender at The Rail even bought us a totally superfluous shot of Jameson.  She really, really didn't need to do that.

Oh, and the White Sox won.  So, except for the part where I woke up on Brad's couch, went to his bathroom and instead of returning to the couch, I just crawled into his bed with him, it was a pretty good day.  He might beg to differ.