Here's a fact for you:
Home Alone is the greatest Christmas movie ever made. There, I said it. Wanna fight about it?
I strongly believe this. Perhaps growing up in the 80's disillusioned me enough to not truly believe in the cheesy sentiment of
It's a Wonderful Life. Having never seen
Miracle on 34th Street, I can't say if it is the best but since it is in black and white, I strongly suspect it is not. Since I didn't grow up in the 50's, maybe this means I can never truly appreciate the gun-demanding obsession from
A Christmas Story. (Fun fact! The kid that played Flick in
A Christmas Story--the one that got his tongue stuck to the flagpole--later went on to appear in a decidedly different movie that featured tongues on poles):
Maybe it's because
Home Alone was right in my age-appropriate wheel-house when it came out in 1990 but it's been a little tradition of mine since then that whenever I set up the Christmas tree in my house, it has to be on my TV. I vividly remember my Godfather taking me to see the movie upon it's release in 1990. I loved it so much that I came home and performed every scene for my Dad while he was raking leaves and then strong-armed him into taking me to see it again the next day.
Now, when I talk about greatness in this movie, I'm not even talking about the slap-stick, near-homicides of the burglars at the end. I'm talking about the delirious joy of a kid doing all the things over Christmas I would have done had I been abandoned, a down-right beyond-his-years performance from Mac, a great score from John Williams, some surprisingly subtle direction from Chris Columbus and the best scene in the movie: Kevin and Marley coming to terms with what Christmas means in the church.
I
love this scene. Krishni even stopped talking in the middle of a story the other night because she knew I wouldn't be listening to her. From the "I had a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas" sequence, to the
Christ, is this kid still talking? "Yeah" that Marley mumbles out, to the chorus singing throughout the scene, to the band-aid hand shake at the end...just awesome.
Krishni pointed out to me that this guy died in July. Rest in Peace, South Side Shovel Slayer
If you don't already feel this way about
Home Alone, you never will. I feel that there is nothing I can say or do to convince you otherwise. However, that hasn't stopped other people from doing so.
Ever been to
www.imdb.com? It stands for the "Internet Movie Database" and it is your one-stop shop for everything you will ever need to know about any movie. Within, you will find the full cast and crew, sound track listings, running times, trailers, reviews and all sorts of fun trivia for any given movie. Under the "Fun Stuff" section for Home Alone, there is a section called "Goofs". Normally, this is where incredibly anal nerds who have scoured movies for continuity errors or anachronisms try to kill the fun of movie magic. But I noticed something the other night that bothered me...not because of the previously mentioned anal nerds but because of
anal nerds that had to explain jokes.
For instance, there is a very funny scene where Kevin goes grocery shopping to buy milk, fabric softener and--because he's 8--a bag of army guys. When the bagger swipes said bag, she gives him a knowing look and he justifies the purchase by saying "It's for the kids". A normal person would say, "Ha! That's a funny bit!" However, someone at imdb.com felt the need to break the joke down for the reader (emphasis mine):
"When Kevin is at the counter of the grocery store, the clerk scans a bag of toy soldiers and looks at Kevin. He says 'It's for the kids'. But when the clerk asks, 'What about your brothers and sisters?' Kevin replies, 'I'm an only child.' While this seems that Kevin is stumbling over his lies, he is not. He is at the grocery store alone, buying 'grown up' things such as orange juice, milk, bread, toilet paper and laundry detergent. He is also reading a tabloid and discussing the quality of microwave dinners just as an adult does. When the cashier scans the toy soldiers she looks at him questioningly. Kevin makes a joke saying they are 'for the kids' referring to his own children.
Obviously he doesn't have children, but his purchases and actions make him seem grown up."
WTF? Did someone really feel the need to explain to the internet that 8 year-old Kevin McAllister didn't have kids? Did this person feel like they were doing the internet a service? Here's more internet nerd dickery:
"On the phone with the French operator, Frank yells 'I am looking for my son! Do you know where he is?' However, Peter knows his son is at the house, he just cannot reach him."
Really? This internet dick pulled out one totally innocuous-to-the-script "error" (Is Kevin's Dad omniscient? He knows Kevin is still at home?) and goes on the internet to bitch about it? Also, let's ignore the fact that this internet nerd felt the need to fire up his laptop to type out this little inaccuracy while at the same time misnaming the character in the quote...it was Kevin's Dad, Peter, on the phone with the French operator; Uncle Frank couldn't give two shits about Kevin and was busy angering his sister-in-law by passing out her shrimp cocktail.
Wait...did I just do the internet nerd thing?
One last one, from
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. The family is going to Florida for the holidays and Kevin complains at the very beginning of the film that "There are no Christmas trees in Florida." This, of course, sets up Kevin's obsession with Christmas trees and allows his Mother to locate him at 30 Rockafeller Center at the end of the movie. To any rational person, this line is called "foreshadowing". To this nerd, it was something to complain about (feel free to do so but don't bother reading the whole thing; emphasis mine):
"
There actually are Christmas trees in South Florida. The Norfolk Island Pine is a tropical pine that is originally from Norfolk Island, east of Australia. It grows pretty much all over south Florida and has even been seen growing as far north as Tampa and even near Orlando, though it does much better farther south, especially from the latitude of the north shores of Lake Okechobee southward. Fully grown, it has a slightly narrower than normal pyramid shape with nearly fern like branches that grow in an evenly tiered pattern, and will generally make a very nice Christmas tree. Farther north, it is usually grown indoors as a potted plant. Usually, outside of the tropics, you will see this pine grown in most offices, especially next to a south facing window.
However, Kevin, having never been to Florida, probably didn't know this and assumed there were no Christmas trees there."
Well, good thing you cleared that up, internet!
Sigh. Sometimes, the internet makes me sad.
