So, I was trying to sleep at 12:15 this afternoon (before you get all pissed off at my freedom, keep in mind that I have no money and I've spend the last three days in a melancholy funk watching Gilmore Girls and wondering if I'd ever work again. It hasn't been fun.). The last few nights, I hadn't slept well so I chugged a bunch of Target-brand Nyquil at about 2am in an effort to finally get some rest. Damned if I didn't sleep hard-freakin'-core. So hard core, that when Krishni woke me up this morning to make pancakes, I went back to sleep at 11:30.
However, shortly after I did so, the leaf-blower guy showed up.
I guess this is as good a spot as any to say we hate our management company. We live in a condo so we have to pay silly association fees so that our "lawn" will be mowed and our sidewalks will be shoveled in the event of snow. Unless of course they don't feel like coming out and we do all that shit ourselves. Anyhow, once a week our eastern-European property manager will arrive and instead of raking the leaves and twigs that have fallen on the various 5' x 12' plots of grass, he will enthusiastically strap-on a back-pack type leaf-blower and go to town for an hour. Every Tuesday morning at 8 am, we're awakened to the jet-engine sound of a guy too lazy to buy a rake.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."
He'll fire that bad-boy up for 10 seconds, let it idle, fire it up again for 5 seconds, let it idle, fire it up again for 10 seconds, let it idle...on and on until every last helicopter seed has been blown onto the street.
These used to bring such joy to my childhood. Now all these little fuckers can go to hell.
Ok, so I get awakened once a week by a lazy, leaf-blowing asshole. No biggie, right? Well, with the advent of summer, our management company has hired a team of these guys to come every Friday morning to our property and go to town on our tiny little plot of grass. Which brings me to this morning.
It rained all day yesterday and it was still raining this morning while I nodded in and out of sleep. I didn't care. I love rain. Rain kicks-ass. However, it does not kick ass when the crack landscaping team arrives to leaf-blow the shit out of our 5' x 12' plots of grass. If there was ever a time for a rake, this was it. Wet grass? A leaf-blower aint gonna work. But damn did this guy try. For over an hour, he stood directly outside our bedroom window revving and idling, revving and idling, revving and idling. AND, when he was sweeping the sidewalk, he took his leaf-blower off his back and left it running on the ground outside our building. Because, apparently, he wanted to be murdered by that sword my Godfather bought me when I was 12.
But that's not all! The crack lawn team--thinking this alone couldn't be enough to drive me to murder--brought along an industrial lawn mower that they probably use at Wrigley Field to mow our "lawn". Now, keep in mind that our little stretches of grass are roughly 5' x 12', with a tree in the middle of each plot. Not a lot of room to maneuver an industrial mower. Check it out:
Smile, Pedro!
How much overkill is that lawn mower? It's half as big as the plot of land he's mowing! He would struggle with that thing to get it onto each little plot, then sort of bump it up against the building twice, struggle to move it to the other side of the tree, bump it up against the building again and move on to the next plot of grass. And while you may not be able to see it, that is an incredibly loud engine on the back of that thing that ROARS in our courtyard.
Seriously. Fuck these guys.
I'm having some wine.
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