Whaaaaaat?

For those of you wondering where I've been, the truth is far less fun than you might imagine.  "Oh," I bet you're thinking, "He must be on another Disney character cruise ship orgy."  

While it's true that it's been a while since I've shared a post-coital poolside Mai Tai with Jasmine and Belle, I'd like to take a moment to announce that Mike Jacklich--winner of the Nobel Prize for "Contributions in Severe Couch Sitting, 2012", has found a job.  A dream job, of sorts.  

For the next--hopefully--few years I will be the Box Office Supervisor of a freakin' minor league baseball team. 

Yeah, it's small time.  The Boomers play in the Frontier League which is an independent league; that is to say the Boomers are not affiliated with a Major League Baseball team.  Also, they pay is awful, I don't (yet) get benefits and I have a two hour, round-trip commute.  But at least the hours are ridiculously long!  Ha ha!

I kid.  There are so many reasons why I should not have taken this job.  But this position is a real, honest to goodness job in professional baseball.  The Boomers are in their second season and the staff is aces.  The team owner also owns the Gary Rail Cats and when he purchased the organization that would become the Boomers, he brought along with him some of his best and brightest from his other organization.  I'll be reporting directly to the General Manager.

Our season--51 home games--kicks off in May and this is minor league baseball at its best.  $2 beer nights, scout camp outs, promotions like the "World's Biggest Water Gun Fight"...and a whole lot of baseball.  And since the Boomers are not affiliated with a MLB team, we play to win.  There is no "we need to get this kid 5 innings so the big club will be happy".  These are just 25 kids, scratching and clawing and dreaming of the big leagues.  

There's also this thing:

That monstrosity is called the "Brat-a-Boom".  I'll let the website describe it:  "The Brat-a-Boom!, available exclusively at the third base concession stand at the home of the Schaumburg Boomers, is a giant 4.5 pound custom bratwurst made with Bobak's Sausage on a two-foot pretzel bun, slathered with Levy Restaurant's special beer cheese, topped with sauerkraut and diced applewood smoked bacon, finished with deep-fried onion strings."  There's even a challenge to eat the thing:  "The contestant will attempt to finish the Brat-A-Boom! and a side of cheese fries. The Challenge time limit is 30 minutes and only a tray of crumbs and scarce cheese stains will constitute a Brat-A-Boom! Victory. The Challenge must be completed alone and water will be provided for free."

I don't know about you, but the plate of cheese fries feels dangerously superfluous.  At any rate: 
Jimmy, the Brat-a-Boom is calling your name. 

So, I have a job in professional baseball.  Because of the hours and the fact that I won't be able to afford anything fun this summer, you may not see a lot of me.  

But understand this:  I could not be more excited about this job.  Come on out and see us this summer...tickets are only $10.  You'll also be happy to know that I've promised my wife I won't go anywhere near the Brat-a-Boom.  

But I've told little white lies before.